Over the last few months there have been days when it has literally been a physical ache to sit down as I am this morning and just take the time to write, or to pick up my camera and just spend time observing the world around me through the lens in the hopes of catching some of it. The days of summer have been busy with campground duties, worries about finances, dealing with the sale of the house and the things that were not kept in storage and making a place in the camper for the things that were brought here. My body often tells me that I’ve done enough for the day… stop and relax… take some time for myself… but when I do, I’m often so tired that all I can do is sit in some zombie-like state until I get up and start going again.
Sitting with Prue yesterday, she looked at me and asked “Why haven’t you written lately?”. I believe the answer I gave was something in the line of I’d been so busy and hadn’t had the time. The look I got from her, no words attached carried no argument, but lovingly told me I was full of baloney.
Driving back through country roads I thought a lot about that one comment. For in all honesty, it isn’t that I haven’t had the the time… I just haven’t taken the time. I haven’t taken the time I should for me, to do the things that feed my soul and make a difference to me and inevitably to others.
I’ve let precious time and thoughts and pictures slip away… because I haven’t made real time for ME.
I’ve been so busy “doing” that I’ve missed capturing some of the moments that make my life what it is and my heart what it is.
So this morning I am sitting here with coffee beside me, gazing out the window at the changing landscape around me and writing…. simply soaking in my surroundings and relaxing in a way I haven’t allowed myself to for many months, feeling a sense of freedom and peace that has often eluded me in the past months of all the hustle and bustle.
I’d forgotten how it can be… and now that I’ve gotten a small taste of it, I’m not willing to do without it each and every day.
The stories may not be funny… then again, they may make you laugh till you spit coffee out your nose. They may simply be rambling… they may have a point to them. They are sure to be full of the small wonders I see living out here in the country now. But they will be full of the things that make me who I am.
So from today forward, I am turning over a new leaf just as the leaves on the trees around me are changing their colors and falling softly to the ground.
Why haven’t I written?
It doesn’t really seem to matter why now. What only matters is that I am and I will. If it takes time away from “doing” stuff…. so be it!