2009 is almost a memory. In a few days the new year will begin and many of us will have spent the week between Christmas and New Years Eve making “Resolutions” for our lives which more often than not will be broken within a month. Some will resolve to lose weight, to stop smoking, to exercise more… using the first of the new year as a marker for a fresh start. And hopefully they’ll succeed at keeping those resolutions.
I’m no stranger to the New Years Resolution, nor am I a stranger to not keeping them. The only resolution I have actually been able to keep so far is the resolution to not make resolutions for the coming year.
This past year has been incredibly full of pain and heartache. There have been life changes and challenges that have often left me feeling paralyzed, unable to do much of anything but put a good game face on for people. I’ve kept the fears and the hurt and the pain to myself, internalizing it and trying to handle it all myself. It’s something I’ve done for as many years as I can remember, both in times of singleness and in marriage. In the interest of not hurting or worrying those I love most, I’ve kept the words to myself… not sharing them in person or on this blog.
I’ve not been fair to them… nor to myself.
I picked up a book several months ago by Max Lucado called “Travelling Light”. In thumbing through it, I began to understand the reason for my weariness… I was carrying too much luggage! Luggage I was never intended to bear by myself. And the weight of that luggage was weighing me down to the point of not being able to relax and enjoy the life or share the talents that my God has given me. It kept me from writing… and it kept me from being “real” with the people I love the most.
So this year I resolve to travel lightly! To say what I have to say and be who I am with no apologies… to toss the luggage of guilt and fear and anxiety to God who has promised me that He’ll carry it for me. So that I can be who He’s meant me to be all along… for I am fearfully and wonderfully made by Him.
This year I will resolve that my voice be heard by those who love me and whom I love. I resolve that my stories will be told, simple though they may be at times, in the hopes that they touch the hearts of my loved ones and those I have yet to meet.
Will these resolutions go the way that most of them over the years have? Right down the toilet?
Something tells me they won’t… because I have the greatest of concierges walking beside me, grasping the handle of my luggage and gently taking it from me.
I will allow Him to do so.