Over the last 5 months my “voice” has been paralyzed… my heart full of words and thoughts but unable to translate them into a blog post and often unable to voice them to friends and family whose love and ears are always available. I’ve found myself holding things inside, searching for answers along the way that are often not readily found, sometimes going through each day simply by putting one foot in front of the other and being grateful that there is SOME movement. There have been days when I’ve been reminded (sometimes gently and sometimes not) that I am NOT the one in control of the situations I find myself in. The balancing act that I often find myself performing isn’t so sturdy on some days, yet rock solid on others. I’ve learned lessons of humility, feeling ashamed of myself for holding myself slightly away from those whom we’ve learned are TRULY my friends. I’ve cried, I’ve smiled, I’ve fallen down, I’ve gotten up, I’ve struggled, I’ve learned…
And I’m finally finding my voice again. God has promised us that He will use all for the good. I’ve often wondered how on earth my struggles can be for anyone’s good but my own. It’s stilled my “voice”. How can my words be of any value to someone reading them when so many of my thoughts have been born from fear and questioning and lack of hope? Yet I’ve held onto His promise that out of those things will come words of hope and faith and joy and rememberance of the fact that I am not alone, along with the promise that my voice will not be stilled forever…. there is a reason that my voice has been stilled for awhile and it’s not just about me. The struggle and the heartache have held lessons for me but not JUST for me.
The lessons for me aren’t done yet but my vocal paralysis is for now. For now He’s chosen to say that it’s time to share with those known and unknown to me… because it has all not been just for my benefit, but for others whose lives I (through Him) can touch as well