My time off is almost over… my last week of truly being able to do what I want to whenever I want to do it before I head back to work. And since it was the last time I’d be able to go, I headed off to music lessons with P & C . Since that first time, it’s become known that I’ve played the piano for years. And lately I’ve been asked by members of my church family when I’m going to start playing keyboard for the worship band.
I have tended to glide over the answer and give something non-committal with a casual smile. But my insides were knotted every time anyone asked me that. I haven’t played on a daily basis for ages… I’ve got to be rusty… I’d goof up the band terribly… I dodged saying yes as long as I could when in reality I really WANTED to say yes. For music is a huge part of my day! I’m sure the neighbors could tell you a thing or two about the intensity of the singing that issues forth from my front windows as well as those who drive past me in their cars.
In truth, I’ve wanted to ask if I could join the band in some way for months now. In truth…. I’ve been afraid. So I’ve prayed for courage. I’ve prayed for God to open my heart to take the gift of music that he’s put there and share it in ways I haven’t yet explored. I’ve come so close to saying something so many times to the leader of the worship band (who just happens to teach the lessons with P & C)… and I’ve chickened out!
In our last Discovery group, we’d been talking about getting out of the boat and walking on water… reaching deep inside and finding the courage to use the gifts God has given each of us in whatever way we can. If we can do that, it can lead us to more meaningful and committed personal worship. I’m usually not hesitant about flat-out jumping out of the boat and going towards whatever challenge I find. But in this instance, I have had one foot dangling in the water and the other one firmly planted IN THE BOAT!!! And every day I pray that I’ll just JUMP… because I know He’ll catch me…. He always has! He always will!
God must’ve been getting a little tired of waiting for me to jump because the first words out of Larry’s mouth after a hug were “So when are you going to start playing keyboards with the band?” Hmmmmm… so the water feels pretty nice on that leg hanging out of the boat as I hear myself say ” Do you really think you’d want me to?”
P starts telling us how she knows I can play and handle it from the day I spent with them not long ago. Larry talks about what he’d love to see happen with the band. And before I know it? Both of my legs are over the side and I’m in the water out of the boat!
Ok Ok so I had a little bit of a push!
So Sunday morning will find me at church early, practicing with the keyboard and seeing how I can use this gift of music that God has given me to minister in some way.
I’m excited… and I’m scared! But I know He’ll be there with me in every note.